Biggest Custody Battle Mistakes – 10 Things to NOT do in Family Court

parents making custody battle mistakes

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There are lots of articles and lists out there telling you what you should do in divorce court, how you should behave, and things that can help you get an edge over your partner. 

This article is not that. 

Today, we’re actually talking about what you shouldn’t do in a custody trial. 

This is because a family court appearance is about convincing the judge that your side of the argument is the correct one. You need to convey that you are reasonable, well-intentioned, and deserving of your demands. That way, a judge will be more inclined to rule in your favor.

Your custody battle is about proving that you are deserving of the right to parent your children as you see fit, and that your children would be better off in your care than in your ex’s.

So make sure you don’t do these ten things, unless you want to lose your case in family court.

family court judge

1. Don’t Pay Child Support

This one is pretty simple, but still a lot of people refuse to pay child support, yet still want custody of their children. We get it, to some extent – if you want full custody of your child, why should you have to pay child support too?

“Child Support is the Right of the child.”  Judges expect parents to financially support their children.  It is not the children’s fault that their parents are not living together.  If the children are living most of the time with the other parent, you should continue to make sure they have the financial support they need.  Judges are very impressed when a parent voluntarily pays child support. In Canada, to figure out the amount of child support you should pay, click HERE.

2.  Involve the kids in the fight

Doctors, social-workers, psychologists, mediators, counsellors, teachers, principals, swimming lesson instructors, camp counsellors, judges, lawyers and every other profession that works with kids will tell you that involving the kids in the divorce hurts the kids. It can actually affect a child’s brain development. Nothing angers a judge more than one parent involving the children in the fight. The children should not even know there is a dispute between their parents. All they need to know is what the new “rules” are when the dispute is over. 

3. Don’t Encourage the Kids to Spend Time With A Parent

Despite what you may wish, you don’t have a right to cut your ex off completely from your children. It is a child’s legal right to know both parents. Even murderers and rapists get supervised access because children benefit from knowing their parents. Judges actually take custody away from parents who try to destroy the children’s relationship with the other parent. 

If your ex is abusive to your children, or if you truly believe that your children would be better off without your ex in their lives, there are options, like child protection services. This is something you will need to pursue on its own however, and something that Dhanu Dhaliwal Law Group can help you with.

4. Breach or Ignore Court Orders 

Judges work pretty hard to become judges. They are generally well respected for their wisdom and insight. Accordingly, judges expect you to give them respect and do what they say. If you don’t want a judge to tell you what to do, you should not be in court. When a judge tells you to do something, it’s not like another person telling you. When a judge orders you to do something, you are legally required to do it, or you could go to jail.

5. Secretly Hide Money or Transfer Assets

The law will say how the family’s money should be divided. Unless you have a marriage contract, a cohabitation agreement or some other form of agreement, you can’t change that.   Moving assets to keep the court from giving them to another party is illegal. It shows the court that you are willing to break the rules and you need to be taught a lesson. 

6. Lie

Don’t think you can get away with lying – especially when the other party has a family lawyer.  Family Lawyers get very good at finding out when people are lying. Get caught once, and the court will assume everything you say from then on is a lie. That makes it hard to get your way. 

family lawyer explaining custody battle mistakes

7. Choose Not to Use a Lawyer

Not using a lawyer when you are able to, sends the court the message that you don’t want to listen to professional advice; and that’s a bad place to start. You then need to rely on your own judgment when you are involved in a very emotional and stressful event. Add to that the fact that you don’t know the court rules or the law. Plus, if the other party has a lawyer, there is a person helping them make you look bad.

8. Refuse to Give Financial Disclosure 

By law, in cases involving support or property division the other side is allowed to know virtually everything about your financial situation and it is your obligation to tell them. If you don’t give disclosure quickly, judges will assume that you are either hiding money, trying to lie, trying to complicate matters or make them more expensive for everyone, or trying to delay. The law gives judges lots of powers to punish people who refuse to make their financial disclosure quickly.  

9. Take Every Opportunity to Slam the Other Party

At one point, you had some sort of relationship with the other party and you at least liked them. So you saw some good qualities. (Unless the other party is a children’s aid society, whose role in protecting children is considered pretty respectable.)   Attacking the other party at every turn makes you seem angry, vindictive and irrational.  Who feels sorry for people like that.  Not judges.

10. Don’t Show Up For Court

If you have been served, the court can make an order against you, even if you don’t show up. This will only result in the other party getting what they want because you did not show up to tell your side of the story. Then, even if you weren’t there, the court can enforce the Order against you if you don’t comply with it.

Now, you can’t win a custody battle just by simply following these 10 “don’ts.” You’ll need to be proactive as well. 

The family lawyers at Dhanu Dhaliwal Law Group can help you get custody of your children through the best means possible. Contact us today for an initial consultation, so we can work together to find the best path forward for you and your family. 

Call us at the number above or fill out our confidential contact form to get started.

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